No, I’m not dead..yet!

For those of you who might care – no, I’m not dead (..yet! Though I have been considering the option of shooting myself in the head just to see if it would kill me – but the way my luck’s going atm, it prob’ly wouldn’t and instead would prob’ly only leave me just a bit more brain-damaged than I already am!) ;o(

Anyways, my internet provider’s packed up and left (I assume) and so till the net is back up at home, no blogging.. but I will definitely be BACK (not that I would want you to hold your breath or anything!)

Ciao!

A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts

This weekend I came across a story called “A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts” (written by Dennis Reader) and promptly bought it. It’s a children’s book – 13 pages with very little writing and LOTS of pictures! But I found the story so interesting I thought I’ll share a shortened version of it here:

“Once, on a little island, shaded by a single coconut palm, there lived a happy man. Across the water lived a greedy king who was always looking at the little island thru his binoculars. The king wanted the man’s little island for himself.

‘Why do you want his little island?’ asked the queen.

‘Because I want that lovely bunch of coconuts,’ said the king.

‘That’s all he’s got,’ said the queen.

‘That’s all I want,’ said the king.

… One day the king took action. He summoned his champion Olympic swimmer, his head gardener, his pet vulture, his cousin the pole vaulter and the palace cook. ‘I want that island,’ said the king. ‘One of you must get it for me.’ He pointed to the swimmer. ‘You first.’ …

The champion Olympic swimmer didn’t really want to go, but the king’s word was law and so he dived into the water… But when he reached the little island, the man hit him with a coconut. The Olympic champion swam back with a bump on his head…

[the gardener tunnel-ed his way to the island, the vulture flew to the island, the cousin pole-vaulted to the island, the cook sailed there with her most terrible trifle, but they all suffered the same fate - they were all hit by coconuts and sent packing.]

The greedy king looked all about him. he had lost his champion Olympic swimmer, his head gardener, his pet vulture, his cousin the pole vaulter and even the palace cook.

‘I’d like to come over and talk peace,’ shouted the king. The man smiled and beckoned him across.

‘You put up a good fight,’ said the king. ‘Yes,’ said the man. “Have some coconut.’ And they ate the last one from the tree.

‘He seems a nice fellow,’ said the king to the queen. ‘I won’t take his island after all.’

‘Because he’s a nice fellow?’ asked the queen.

‘No,’ said the king. ‘Because he hasn’t got any more coconuts.’“

The story ends with the king watching the man sitting on his island under an de-coconut-ified palm tree.

BUT there is a twist.

What the king does not see is a stash of coconuts almost as tall as the man’s house hidden behind his house, well away from the king’s line of vision.

None of the violence worked, but the peace seemed to. Yet, while the ‘peace talk’ was going on, all along there was that HUGE stash of coconuts hidden from view.

Made me wonder how many other people could be out there who stashed piles of lovely coconuts away from view while they talked peace in full view of the rest of the world?

And more laughs!

Following on from Sam’s hilarious post..thought I’d continue the trend of Udurawana stories ;o)

Udurawana goes to the doctor. The doctor asks “what will happen if one of your ears was cut off?”

“I’ll stop hearing from one ear sir,” Udurawana answers. “What if both were cut?” “Then I’ll be blind sir.” “How is that?” the doctor asks. “because then my glasses will fall off sir.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A tourist from the US asked Udurawana: “Any great man born in this village?”

Udurawana : “no sir, only small babies”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Udurawana was doing an experiment with a cockroach. He first cut one of its legs and said “walk, walk” and the cockroach walked. Then he cut a second leg and said the same. The cockroach walked. Then he cut the third leg and said the same. Finally he cut its fourth leg and ordered it “walk!” But the cockroach didn’t walk. Suddenly Udurawana said loudly, “I found it. If we cut a cockroach’s four legs, it becomes deaf.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape? Udurawana : simple. I will stop my imagination!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Udurawana was filling up an application form for a job. He filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: After much thought he wrote: Yes

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Udurawana proposed to a woman. She said “yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.”He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search team found him hunting a huge crocodile. He walked over to the reptile, checked its legs and angrily exclaimed “71st and again bare feet.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Once Udurawana driving his car with one of his friends there were a big traffic jam because an accident was ahead.His friend asked ” Udurawana what’s the mishap ?” Udurawana replied ” no mishap, just a lorry and bus hap ”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Udurawana rushed back angrily to the grocery shop from where he had purchased a packet of butter a few minutes ago. “Where is my free gift?” he shouted at the shopkeeper. “But Sir, there is no free gift on the purchase of butter,” the shopkeeper answered politely. “Don’t fool me,” replied udurawana, “it is clearly written on the packet of the butter ‘Cholesterol free’ but you gave me only butter”.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Udurawana got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.

“Is this one one one one?”, asks the voice. “No, this is eleven eleven” Udurawana answers.

“Are you sure it isn’t one one one one?” “No, this is eleven eleven.” Udurawana answers.

“Well, wrong number, sorry to have woken you up on the middle of the night.”

“That’s all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway,” Udurawana answers.

That’s all folks!

Boiling the Frog..what does it mean??

Recent convo with a friend ran thus:

Friend: bla bla bla..it’s a classic example of boiling the frog I tell you!..bla bla

Me: Wait! What does ‘boiling the frog’ mean?

Friend: Oh. You say it to mean sorta culturing people to think or feel a certain way. Without them knowing that this is being done to them. Ok?

Me: Ok. But what does the phrase itself mean? Why frog? Why not..er..boiling the ant? Or elephant?

Friend: Dunno. That’s the phrase. So listen.. bla bla bla.

The convo ended thus. My question then was where is this phrase rooted??

And at last I’ve found the answer!

Apparently (I’ve not tried this and have no wish to and hence will rely on hearsay) if you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water it’ll try to jump out cos it’d rather not get boiled to death. But if you throw it into cold water and slowly bring the water to boiling point it will not realize it is overheating and will die.

Apparently this is cos frogs are cold-blooded and so takes on the temperature of its surroundings. Hence the frog will continue to warm, adjusting to the temperature of the slowly boiling water till it overheats.

So, this could work in terms of implicit prejudices- over-exposure to the same bias can cement it unknowingly or at least till it’s too late.

Let’s see if this works in other contexts:

If someone (let’s say a govt for the lack of a better example) announces: Today you will go to war. Today your loved ones will kill people. Today your loved ones will possibly die.

There could possibly be lotsa people jumping up and down protesting just as the frog will try to jump out of the boiling water.

BUT if someone (let’s use say the govt again! Just for fun!) were to say it thus: people such as you and I have been wronged. They’re being hurt and continue to be hurt (by whatever way). So let us go save them. Let us go defend them. Now, that that is done, let us go see if we can defend some other parts/ peoples. Some of your loved ones can die doing this. Let us go on an offensive to retake what is yours and mine. It is only cos of your loved ones that today we have what we have. Let us thank those who died for us.

The frog never really stood a chance, did he? Poor sucker.

Now, this works with frogs cos of their cold-blooded nature. But we humans are warm-blooded creatures. Therefore we should not (biologically) take on the temperature of our surroundings.

Now think.

Warm-blooded? Cold-blooded?

Frog? Human?

Yellow to Red to Orange

It’s weird how you wake up in the morning and go about your day not knowing that you’re going to meet someone and when you meet him, he’ll say something to you and BOOM! your life will change.

This is what happened last Friday.

And when you wake up the next day you realize that everything in your life has been stupid, stupid, stupid

It’s like life barrells down in yellows and then someone comes along and leaks a bit of red into it and it all turns orange and there’s nothing you can do about it except see everything else for the rest of your life through that orange, orange haze

And I have finally understood most of the song Misere (Cat Empire):

/Do you ever look around/ turn your ear to the ground/ show your face to the sky/ on a night when the skies echo sounds/ from inside of your mind/ on the stage that you shone/ where the sun did become you/ and move with your thoughts/ through the sighs and the scenes/ of the worlds you have seen/ and the sights that have been/ your reflection in shadows and dreams?/

Did you ever see a man/ who did walk down the street/ white robe with no shoes on his feet/ and on top of his head place a box/ with two slits/ and the sign from his neck said/ ‘I do not exist’/ or a woman who could not remember/ her name/ did stutter and stutter/ again and again/ and saw you and called you her son/ her eyes said/ ‘my being is gone/ but still I’m not dead’?/

/Miserere/

/Have you ever seen a sound/ have you listened to an image/…/ have you ever told a lie/ that was true more than truth/ because truth it had lied/ all its life when it spoke to you?/ And what did it say/ it is that it is this/ this goes here here is there/ it is not yes it is/ it was dulling your senses/ your eyes they were bound/ have you ever my friends/ been looking around?/

/And the other replies/ with a wave of a hand/ I am already here/ in this promised land/ but not by a god and not by a king/ and not by a spirit/ deep from within/ I am here/ because a miracle’s a whim/ it’s a flash of glory/ it’s an empty tin/ and maybe might lets you in/ not to save you/ but to keep on looking/

/Miserere/

/Do you ever look around/ and find what is yet to be found?/

And so henceforth, through this newly acquired orange haze I will notice the man who does not exist, the woman who exists without a being, the truth that has (so badly) dulled my senses cos a miracle is indeed a (very) empty tin and I’ve now realized that it’s there not to save you but to only make you keep looking.

And hopefully everytime I want more I’ll remember to stop to look around; to see that which I am looking for.